UPDATE: I decided to ignore the request on Facebook and tell him why. I said I didn’t want to accept the request because I tend to post a lot, and while nothing is secret per se, I’d rather get to know him organically. I also said I hope I’m not offending him or hurting his feelings. He said he hesitated sending it because he agrees it’s too soon, but because he mentioned that he saw me on Facebook, he thought I’d be offended that he didn’t friend me.
See what happens when you assume things? You make an *ss out of you and ….I don’t remember the rest of the saying. Mature and honest communication works…. Who knew?
I mentioned earlier this week that there are two gents currently on the dance card. There is one that I’m leaning towards, but I’ve only had one date with the other one, who I have lovingly dubbed the Nerd. The first date with the Nerd will likely be chronicled in another post, but needless to say, it was a bit… draining due to the extremely long and rambling stories accompanied by pictures.
That said… He seems like a really nice guy and I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt that he was just nervous and can’t handle beer. He admitted that he tends to talk too much. So I want to give him another chance, but I don’t have super high hopes.
Anyways, here is the E-mergency. It started with the following text from the Nerd:
Hey Facebook asked me today if I know you 🙂 I hadn’t even searched for you yet, now I know your last name 😉
Ugh. FACEBOOK YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME! I tried to tiptoe around the topic.
Haha…. Well I guess the cat’s out of the bag that I’m a real person.
I then responded to an older text that I hadn’t responded to yet. A few hours later I get hit with it:
BOOM! Facebook Friend Request Notification. Why is this a big deal? My Facebook page has a lot of [odd] banter with friends and family, a million cat photos, and some very honest posts about personal topics like my weight loss journey and struggles with depression. It’s just a very open window into my life laid out in chronological order. This article sums up how I feel about Facebook friending dates and with the Nerd, it is far far too soon.
So I need your help with what to do:
I agree with you about not accepting the friend request yet. Too soon. I do hope you’re aware though that having been heavier at one point in your life isn’t some kind of scarlet letter. As someone who’s been there it’s more impressive than anything else to see the journey. Granted, I didn’t document it in the way you have, but regardless, that might be something that’s making you unduly nervous.
BUT NO REALLY don’t accept his friend request, it sounds like that would make you very uncomfortable. Also, if the whole scenario makes you uncomfortable, really don’t go.
***are you setting up safeties with the randos you’re meeting online? Like giving their number to a friend and letting said friend know where you’ll be and giving them a code word for when you get home or whatever? This guy sounds pretty benign but the internet is full of shady people and I/people I know have had some experiences that made that seem like a much less extreme measure than it sounds.
Thanks, Erin! I’m not ashamed of being heavier and he actually knows about it. He asked so I did send him one before/after picture. I’m also not ashamed that I have suffered from depression. I just think the details of both are something that I’m happy to share with my friends and family, and there is something about having it all laid out at one time that just seems like a rush of information that I don’t want to share with him at this stage.
I’m being safe with these guys and generally do a fair bit of Internet stalking before I actually meet them to confirm their story, always meet in public places, actually prefer day time first meetings, etc. If you get someone’s first name and cell phone number, you can generally find out their last name and take it from there. I did it to myself and it worked. In fact, I’m fairly certain that Facebook betrayed me because I had done that and looked at his profile.
I am picturing you needing to babysit him at every gathering with friends and/or family from now until forever because he is a bore.
^^^^This.^^^^