Hello Readers! How are you two doing?
Ah. It’s funny because it’s true.
Anyways, I was on a staycation last week and tried to stay as unplugged as possible. Ahhhhh. So, sorry for not posting for a while (I’m not actually sorry).
First order of business: It has been decided that the possible Man TBD formerly known as Him #2 shall be referred to as “Boyfriend.” Creative, I know! Boyfriend has a dog, who is my dog boyfriend. The cats are not pleased by the smell of slobber and they show their disapproval by sleeping a lot and occasionally and furiously attacking catnip toys. Ok, so, the cats don’t care.
Back to the staycation week! Boyfriend had Monday off due to a scheduling flippity-flop, so we decided to take the dog boyfriend and go hiking. It was a very nice day and now the dog boyfriend gets so excited when he sees me… Mainly because he thinks it means he gets to go hiking. Anyways, after a post-hiking break for errands, we decided to meet up for dinner. During dinner, Boyfriend started to have a flare up of an on-again-off-again non-life threatening medical issue. He was annoyed and I was slightly worried as it looked worse than it had been. We went home for a pre-set TV date and he started to get weak and feel off. I suggested seeking medical attention and he said he’d sleep it off.
Tuesday happens and Boyfriend still doesn’t feel well and finally seeks medical attention. The doctor apparently wasn’t super concerned, wrote a prescription for antibiotics, and gave him a referral for a specialist, who cannot see him until Friday.
Wednesday happens and Boyfriend has a routine medical visit for an unrelated medical issue that requires annual monitoring. Boyfriend hates this annual visit so he had asked if I would go with him ages ago. We go, he’s anxious, and I’m inexplicably obsessed with a slow turtle, particularly how a slow turtle would eat. (I promise I don’t do drugs). Boyfriend gets through medical visit and introduces me to the world’s best donut. Let’s pause on that memory.
Ok. Now where was I. Oh yes. Thursday. I had planned a day of errands and naps. (Boyfriend was going back to work so I wouldn’t see him.) Then he starts texting to tell me that he’s in a lot of pain and can’t get a doctor’s appointment any sooner than Friday so he will just have to suffer. I tell him that I don’t want him to put his life in danger and urge him to go to the ER. Boyfriend resists and resists so I return to preparing my tax return because he’s a grown up capable of making his own medical decisions. Then calls me to tell me that he’s in an Uber on the way to the ER. So I head there when I free up and spend the remainder of the afternoon at the hospital. They diagnose Boyfriend and think they can solve it by a little procedure using local anesthesia. If the little procedure doesn’t work, then Boyfriend needs real surgery. Boyfriend makes me explain this to his mother on the phone when she calls as the procedure is underway….
30withcats: So… Um… Hi? [I realize I don’t know her first name]
Boyfriend’s Mom: Is Boyfriend there?
30wc: This is 30wc. He told me to pick up. Doctor says he just needs this little procedure so he’s doing it now and if it doesn’t work Boyfriend needs surgery, but Doctor thinks that’s unlikely. We’ll call when it’s over.
BFM: Ok. That’s what I thought. Thanks, 30wc.
So, I think it must be obvious to you two readers that the little procedure didn’t work and Boyfriend is freaking out about surgery while Doctor is trying to get it scheduled for Friday morning. Boyfriend makes me call his mom back. O.o
30wc: Ok. I’ll call her, but what is her name?
BF: “Mom”
30wc: No. What is her real name?
BF: “Her name is Mom in my phone.”
30wc: No. What is the name that I can call her?
BF: Oh…. It’s BFMom [Hint: That’s not her real name.]
So anyways, I explain it to BFMom and she seems pretty calm. Surgery will be Friday morning and they’ll call first thing to give the time. We head to the pharmacy and then to Boyfriend’s house. Boyfriend wants me and BFMom to be there and also starts taking Percocet. (This leads to alien sightings, but that’s neither here nor there.). I leave after dinner and proceed to go to bed before 10P.M.
Friday morning, Boyfriend texts me the time to show up at the hospital. I promptly show up at the appointed hour (i.e. I’m 15 minutes late) and go up to see him pre-surgery. He’s surprisingly calm and his mom seems to be in a good mood. I give him a hug and a kiss and they wheel him off. At this point, it dawns on me that I’m going to be waiting with his mom while he’s in surgery for over an hour.
We sat down to coffee and she opens:
So you and Boyfriend met through [Boyfriend’s friend}?
I quickly (hopefully) remember that Boyfriend had told his parents that lie and convincingly (hopefully) confirm said lie and add that I don’t know the friend all that well. We proceed to small talk about her family, my family, stories of Boyfriend as a child, random career speak, etc. etc. This brings us to lunch, where she opens:
What attracts you to my son?
Errrrr…. Ummmmm… Ahhhh… I manage to get out that I think he’s warm, kind, and funny. And you know… I just enjoy the time that I spend with him. (I don’t add that he’s handsome and good in bed because that’s awkward.) But my answer seems less than satisfactory and she rebuts:
Is that different from other guys you’ve dated?
Oh god yes, lady. You should read my blog. Actually don’t. Boyfriend was slightly miffed that, without prigor warning, I posted a pic of him on Facebook and eluded to him as my boyfriend (I actually referred to my dog boyfriend as my boyfriend and Boyfriend as the man companion to my boyfriend–query what the truth is in the situation). He is not going to be happy that he’s referred to on a blog…. So shhhhhhhhhhhh….
Anyways… Surgery went great and Boyfriend is on the mend. I saw him after the surgery briefly–got him soup from the cafe because he didn’t want what was offered by the nurse (other than MOAR PERCOCET!!!), but I had to leave to go get a pre-scheduled massage. Put your own oxygen mask on first, amiright?!?!
