Things with Him #2 are generally great–we’re still in the easy and fun puppy dog state and we have really great conversations. We also have a great ability to talk about something serious and, on a whim, transition to something goofy and fun. We’ve been spending a lot of time together and we’re even planning to go away together for a weekend in the next few weeks.
For the first time in basically ever, I will have Valentine!
But there is one big recurring issue–he talks about his ex wayyyyy too often. I believe they broke up 2-3 years ago and he assures me that he is over her, but I assure you that he is not 100% over her.
Ironically, her name is a synonym for happy, so let’s just call her Felicity. She was his first love and he blames himself for making “mistakes” and “causing” the break-up. He assures me that he brings these things up as a way to insure that he isn’t making the same mistakes with me. I keep assuring him that I am not Felicity, which is surprisingly accurate as I am not a felicitous person by nature. (Side note: what a terrible expectation to put on your child, btw. Can you imagine the burden it must be? If you’re miserable, people must say: How can you be sad with a name like Felicity!?!)
Anyways, shortly after breaking up with Him #2, she proceeded to date his best work friend. I totally understand how that would make the situation very much more painful and I feel for him. However, he holds all the anger for situation against the man-friend and thinks Felicity is completely blameless because she’s such a great person. There really is nothing better than your new dood raving about how his ex-girlfriend is a great person that he wishes was still his friend. And by nothing better, I basically mean anything would be better. At least I can (and do) tell him that I don’t like talking about the subject.
Have you made a point of rubbing your face unhappily when he talks about her? I hate to sound like “that girl”, but sometimes body language is the only way to get people to really understand what you’re saying. Words don’t often sink in as well as how miffed/depressed you look when you say them. You don’t have to be overly sweet and understanding about this.
Seriously, you need to figuratively grab him by the face and make sure that he understands that you be the person he talks to about this thing.
*cannot be
I have made it incredibly clear that I don’t like talking about her and he hasn’t brought it up in a long time. Last time he did, it was to tell a story about something that happened to her that was relevant to something we were talking about so it was benign. He gets it… At least for now.