I had a jammed packed day of traveling and meetings for work (pesky day job that puts food on the table). Anyways, here is another great link to review before bed:
P.S. I realize this is the second “story” that is just a link to a bunch of animal pictures. Seems like I’ve found another topic to bring up with that licensed medical professional….
It may come as a complete and utter surprise since I seem so put together and rational that I regularly attend therapy, but I do. I go as part of treatment for chronic depression, but it’s helpful even when I’m feeling fine.
Anyways, I mentioned to her that I still miss Him #1. She made the observation that I don’t miss Him #1 per se, but rather, I miss the feelings that he caused–like he opened the flood gates of excitement and attraction and I’m sad the well dried up. (I don’t think I got that metaphor quite right, so sue me.) She noted that those feelings will happen again and it just takes time. You know what? She’s right. I mean I knew she was right, but it helps to have words for semi-conscious thoughts. Is this what it truly means when “it’s not you, it’s me”?
As a side note, I’m fairly open about my mental health issues because I’m not ashamed that I suffer from a very real medical condition. Here is my favorite TedTalk on the subject:
I have mentioned that I’m bad at technology, but for some reason I have been particularly and painfully bad with technology when it comes to Him #1. For some reason, all of my faux pas with technology have happened with him recently… just adding to the fun. Anyways, here is the exhaustive and chronological list:
Not realizing that I purchased the wrong upgrade on the dating app and visiting his profile thinking that he couldn’t see it when he really could. Background: A lot of the dating apps are free, but you can pay for upgrades. The one I prefer will notify someone if you looked at their profile and vice-versa. You can turn it off, but then you don’t see who visits you. Alternatively, you can upgrade your account and then you can control when you want to notify someone who you visited.
I vaguely remember purchasing the upgrade, but I didn’t really look at what it did. You see, we had to reschedule the second date and I was drinking at a friend’s house. I wanted to look at his profile, but I knew that was not really appropriate. So perfect! I got this upgrade and now I can look without him knowing! Took me two weeks to realize he could see me visiting his page.
Sending him the screenshot of the break-it-off text. I took a screenshot of the break-it-off text to send another friend instead of explaining how it ended. In my haste, I… sent it to him. It was one of those moments, like forgetting an attachment on an email, where you realize your mistake immediately after you hit send. Watching the little send bar move across the screen was torture.
I found the following link right before I logged off for the evening and want to share:
UPDATE: I found a video on Buzzfeed that perfectly demonstrates how I feel about this situation.
So as I move forward in the search for Man TBD, I’ve taken a detour and I’ve gone on some decent first dates. Two of the gentlemen won’t be on the dance card anymore–one with a text break-it-off (I was recipient, but feeling was mutual so it was perfect!) and one with a technical ghosting from the guy (though I saw it coming and wasn’t invested so I don’t quite care). None of the dates have resulted in particularly interesting blog stories and the two that have remained on the roster are quite frankly so nice I can’t imagine I’d have the heart to put them on here. I guess unless one becomes the next former Man TBD and I’m wallowing.